A Blog of Her Own

What Happens Next: A Gallimaufry: Lamenting The Friend Zone, Or: The “Nice Guy” Approach To Perpetrating Sexist Bullshit

abeautifulrain — Mon, 14 May 2012 16:49:37 -0400

What Happens Next: A Gallimaufry: Lamenting The Friend Zone, Or: The “Nice Guy” Approach To Perpetrating Sexist Bullshit:

fozmeadows:

Everyone’s heard of friendzoning – even if they don’t know the word, they sure as hell know the concept. It’s what happens time and again to unfortunate Nice Guys who, despite being nothing but sugar and spice to the girls they love, are nonetheless denied the sexual relationships they so…

Photo

abeautifulrain — Tue, 08 May 2012 13:46:52 -0400

I Just Want to Go on a Walk

abeautifulrain — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 00:44:00 -0500

I Just Want to Go on a Walk:

“‘Those guys are assholes,’ they say. ‘Most guys are not like that. I’m not like that.’ That’s the thing: if I don’t know you, I don’t know what you’re like… You could be a perfect gentleman, an upstanding, tax-paying citizen who has never broken the law and who treats everyone who crosses his path with the utmost respect, but I will never see it when I’m walking alone or sitting at a bar unaccompanied. I will only see a potential threat. By the time you get within three feet of me, my survival instinct is already engaged.”

jwisser:

The link above is to an incredible post about how it feels as a woman to be approached by an unknown man. Every man should read it.

As a man, the closest comparison I can summon up for the feeling of anxiety AV Flox conveys is the memory of the few times when I’ve been startled by (presumably drunk) teenagers yelling at me from the windows of a passing car. It’s a thing that has happened to me at most five times, but it still summons up a feeling of anxiety when I think about it.

It’s impossible for me to really grok that women feel like this every day. When friends who are women tell me that they have to think twice before going out at night, my first reaction is one of pure disbelief; it never occurs to me before I leave my house that I might be in any kind of personal danger. It’s something so alien to my personal experience that it’s hard to believe. And it’s a perfect—and horrifying—example of male privilege in modern American society.

One of the couples that lives in my building has a baby girl. I barely know her or her parents—I’m not even sure I remember her name—but the idea of her growing up with that kind of ingrained fear literally brings tears to my eyes. So here’s a question for my women readers: how can I use the privilege afforded me by the fact that I’m a man to make sure she doesn’t have to?

"We are all with you."

abeautifulrain — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 13:36:00 -0500

"We are all with you.":

Standing in solidarity with the young Penn State survivor, Tyler Perry reminds us of the courage it takes to break the silence of sexual assault.

Why the ERA is Not Irrelevant.

abeautifulrain — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 03:36:00 -0500

Why the ERA is Not Irrelevant. :

If you believe the Equal Rights Amendment should be in our U.S. Constitution, here’s what to do:

Share this article on Facebook, Twitter and other social media.
Read up on both strategies (starting over and the three-state solution).
Contact your local government representative and urge them to co-sponsor “HJ Res 47: Removing the Deadline for Ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment.”
Visit United4Equality.com and “friend” them on Facebook and join the “Equal Rights Amendment by 2015” campaign.
Contact your local NOW chapter, and get involved.
Go to Facebook pages ERA Now, ERA Once and For All, and Equal Rights Amendment to get up-to-date information.

The Pretty One

abeautifulrain — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 03:28:00 -0500

The Pretty One:

Kate Fridkis’ appeal to parents to stop differentiating between their “pretty daughter” and their other daughters.

It seems like a played-out sitcom senario, but the “pretty daughter/smart daughter” dichotomy is alive and well. When I sit back and think about it, it’s almost scary how perfectly my sister and I are an example. My internal motivation for academic success and complete disregard for trends left my sister to take up the mantle of the “pretty daughter.” This wasn’t too difficult for her - naturally blonde, thin and smiley, she would have been the obvious choice anyway. Of the two of us though, I feel like this distinction has negatively affected her more than it has me. I am lucky enough to be in an environment where intelligence and hard work are considered admirable traits in a person, man or woman (Yay college!). For my sister, who’s still in high school, it’s a different story. She wakes up hours before school starts to “get ready.” Luckily, she is so smart that she doesn’t have to spend hours studying like I did. She just takes tests and aces them. And she does all the classwork, but to make sure she doesn’t get too good of a grade, she just doesn’t turn it in. She reads Isaac Asimov at night, and pretends she doesn’t like reading around her friends. She’s a cheerleader, and it’s taken her two years to finally join the debate team and science olympiad, which she totally enjoys. She calls it her “closet nerd” to justify it to her friends.

Even though in many ways I think it’s easier to be the “pretty one,” I think she got the raw end of the deal. Because eventually, none of us are going to be that pretty. I want her to know that she is more than the way she looks, that her real value is derived from everything underneath the designer clothes and and make-up and tanning-bed bronzed skin: her mind, her humour, her compassion. I am guilty of calling her “the pretty one.” I am going to make a conscious effort to remind her that she is so much, so much more than that.

Things That We Don't Talk About

abeautifulrain — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 02:05:00 -0500

Things That We Don't Talk About:

“Preventing suicide among veterans requires a frank conversation about the discrimination, harassment and assault many of our veterans are subjected to, as well as accountability by the institutions that allow these circumstances to continue.”

Eve Ensler is Over It. Are you?

abeautifulrain — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 11:59:47 -0500

Eve Ensler is Over It. Are you?

Personal Freedom Charter

abeautifulrain — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 05:54:00 -0500

Declaration for my Daughter:

First.          That you will live in safety; that you will have freedom from fear,

Second.      That the world you live in will be a place of equality and opportunity,

Third.         That you will never question how beautiful you are; that you will know
     the value of your strengths,

Fourth.       That your words will be heard; that your work will be acknowledged,

Fifth.          That you will know trust and friendship,

Sixth.          That you will know love,

Seventh.     That you will walk outside alone at night just to look at the stars;
     that you will not be afraid,

Eighth.        That you will expect respect from peers, professionalism from
     coworkers, loyalty from friends and enouragement from partners; that you will
     accept nothing less.

These are the conditions of a society in which I will raise my daughter. I pledge myself to the creation of this world for her. It is only in knowing with complete certainty that such a place exists, for her and for all of our children, that I will finally feel free.

Feminally: Dear Feminists, You're Doing It Right

abeautifulrain — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 05:05:00 -0500

Feminally: Dear Feminists, You're Doing It Right:

You get so tired. You get so sick of the homophobia, the sexism, the culture of rape jokes and wife beating cartoons. But today you can take 30 seconds and smile. Somewhere right now there is a daddy dancing along while his femmy boy sings Lady Gaga. Somewhere right now there is a little girl suiting up to go play football with her peewee team. Somewhere there is a woman taking off the clothes she hates and pulling on a pair of pants. And there are boys holding hands in front of Dairy Queen and there are girls on their first date at the mall. There is a mom driving her son to the court so he can change his name from Brittney to Brandon. There is a family supporting their daughter after she reveals sexual abuse. There is a foster parent hesitantly walking into his first PFLAG meeting. And there exists more freedom, more equality, more safety than has ever existed before in the history of humanity. Of course it’s not enough. But it is amazing just the same. And you have done this. This did not happen despite our tears and our sweat, our humiliation and betrayal. This happened because of it.

Keep fighting.

Keep being that “annoying” dude pointing out every sexist remark.

Keep arguing with your freinds about not saying “fag.”

Keep voting.

Keep protesting.

And don’t you EVER let the other side get you down. They know that wearing you out is all they have left. What they do not know is that because of you, their children are safer. Because of you, our schools talk about bullying. Because of you, sexual harassment is illegal at their place of business.

Brothers and sisters, I am leaving my work as an advocate. I am moving to a new town and a new career. Feminally is not going anywhere- but in my last few days as a professional feminist I wanted to let you all know something very important:

you’re doing it right.

"Feminism has fought no wars. It has killed no opponents. It has set up no concentration camps,..."

abeautifulrain — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 03:36:18 -0500

“Feminism has fought no wars. It has killed no opponents. It has set up no concentration camps, starved no enemies, practiced no cruelties. Its battles have been for education, for the vote, for better working conditions, for safety on the streets, for child care, for social welfare, for rape crisis clinics, women’s refuges, reforms in the laws. What’s your problem?”

- Dale Spender (via dreamshare)

"As long as women’s bodies live under the threat of violence, as long as there are entire industries..."

abeautifulrain — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 10:06:05 -0500

““As long as women’s bodies live under the threat of violence, as long as there are entire industries built on making them feel like they are not okay without buying some product, and as long as the dominant mode of feminine “liberation” is participating in consumer culture rather than engaging in political and ethical debate, feminism is needed. The current strand of “choice” politics only reinforces for me how much we still need feminist critique, not how much we have moved beyond it.””

- read the rest here: on feminism: “choice” politics. (via portraitscollection)

That Untitled Blog: The Ten Feminist Commandments (FIXED)

abeautifulrain — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 02:19:07 -0500

That Untitled Blog: The Ten Feminist Commandments (FIXED):

bohemiandreamgirl:

A quote from the ultraconservative book The Flipside of Feminism, with edits to make it, ya know, actually feminist.

The Ten Feminist Commandments

1. Thou shalt have lots of sex with lots of different men or women or genderqueer people or whoever you’re attracted to, and only if you want to….

"I’ve yet to be on a campus where most women weren’t worrying about some aspect of..."

abeautifulrain — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 05:00:05 -0400

“I’ve yet to be on a campus where most women weren’t worrying about some aspect of combining marriage, children, and a career. I’ve yet to find one where many men were worrying about the same thing.”

- Gloria Steinem

"I do not wish them to have power over men, but over themselves."

abeautifulrain — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 05:00:06 -0400

“I do not wish them to have power over men, but over themselves.”

- Mary Wollstonecraft

"Feminism is the radical notion that women are people."

abeautifulrain — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 04:24:00 -0400

“Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.”

- Cheris Kramarae and Paula Treichler

pretty much sums it up.

abeautifulrain — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 11:02:46 -0400

pretty much sums it up.

Joss Whedon, Equality Now Tribute Address: “My father and...

abeautifulrain — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 03:45:00 -0400

Joss Whedon, Equality Now Tribute Address:

“My father and my stepfather had a lot to do with it, because they prized whit and resolve in the women they were with above all things. And they were among the rare men who understood that recognizing somebody else’s power does not diminish your own. When I created Buffy, I wanted to create a female icon, but I also wanted to be very careful to surround her with men who not only had no problem with the idea of a female leader, but, were in fact, engaged and even attracted to the idea…

Because equality is not a concept. It’s not something we should be striving for. It’s a necessity. Equality is like gravity, we need it to stand on this earth as men and women, and the misogyny that is in every culture is not a true part of the human condition. It is life out of balance and that imbalance is sucking something out of the soul of every man and women who’s confronted with it. We need equality, kinda now.”

Dressing Up for Halloween? We Can Do It!

abeautifulrain — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 09:00:00 -0400

Dressing Up for Halloween? We Can Do It!:

I’m going with number 6. :)

"Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is..."

abeautifulrain — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 05:31:00 -0400

“Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel.”

- Bella Abzug